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A Bachelorette’s Mistake: Engagement Shouldn’t be the Goal

I don’t watch The Bachelorette or The Bachelor. And by don’t watch I mean I’ve never seen a single episode. The closet I’ve come is being stuck in a one light town for a conference one summer and I watched an episode of The Bachelor Pad. Needless to say I didn’t know who those people were or what exactly was going on. Now I do watch Unreal. That show I like but I’m pretty sure The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are not like that.

What I do know about The Bachelorette is that there are roses, back to back make out sessions, and really really fast engagements. From what I have gathered on Social Media, people are not happy about Rachel’s choice. Again I don’t even know who the contenders were and I don’t care about her choice one way or another but what I do care about is her rush to get engaged. Apparently she should have chosen someone named Peter because they had chemistry and he really seemed to like her unlike the guy she did choose. What I’ve been able to gather from articles and comments is that she didn’t pick Peter because he said he didn’t feel comfortable proposing after 6 weeks. Rachel wanted a proposal. She said in an interview, regarding Peter:

“I really like Peter and I can see a future with him but I am concerned that Peter is not ready. At our last date he said if I’m not ready for a proposal I’m not going to propose. And you know I see the walls that he has up. I see him guarding his heart. But in this journey you have to move fast you have to be willing to open yourself up and let it go.”

Peter was smart. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it, and you don’t force it. I don’t think it had anything to do with guarding his heart and more to do with him wanting to be ready and make sure he does what he can to build a successful marriage and not just propose because reality TV dictates it. I read that Rachel didn’t care how fast the wedding would be as long as she was engaged. She had been in a 5 year relationship that ended without an engagement so the ring was the goal.

That is such wrong thinking. Engagement does not mean commitment and in some cases marriage doesn’t equal commitment. The goal should not be the ring but a lasting, loving, strong relationship. Just because a person proposes doesn’t mean you have that. Now I love weddings and marriage but I’m also a divorce attorney. I’ve seen couples who had very short engagements and very long engagements get divorced. I’ve done divorces for couples who have been married 1 year, 6 months, 4 months, 6 weeks, and many in between. The one thing they all had in common? They say they rushed it. They didn’t really know the person. They got married because they felt pressure to. Rushing a relationship, an engagement, a marriage; is rarely a good thing. People will give you a ring just so you can stop asking for one. Doesn’t mean they want to marry you.

I get that this is “reality” TV. And from what I learned from Unreal, which I take for truth by the way, is that all of this is fake and manipulated by producers. So I’m sure she wasn’t allowed to pick someone who wasn’t going to propose in the finale. So maybe she didn’t have a choice. But the rest of you do. Don’t make the engagement the goal. Having a happy, stable marriage should be the goal.


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